By Princess Folakemi
Let me start by saying that human beings are social animals. We like to feel loved. We want to know the next person’s opinion about us. There is an innate need for us to feel appreciated, to feel smart and look as if we are not just taking space but also making an impact in the world.
Human beings originally, are used to satisfying this emotional need of wanting to be in the good books of friends and loved ones- from relationships that have been built over time. In fact, the first type of approval we got in life was from our parents when they told us they loved us, or congratulate us on a job well done or in cases where they bought us gifts for doing well in exams and tests.
Then teen age came, and the parental endorsement did not satisfy us any more, and we begin to crave endorsement from our peers. At this teenage stage, the one with the finest girl, the trendy shoe or clothing got the kind of appraisal that was desired and this led to competition.
When we got married, the satisfaction then came from bragging of our children to our neighbors or when our husbands/ wives told us we looked beautiful. And in all of this it is pretty obvious that human beings have an innate need to be endorsed by others. Why exactly is this so, we may ask?
Let’s try a scientific explanation for this human desire. Any time we get appraised or endorsed, 2 hormones in our brains get released: dopamine and oxytocin. Dopamine is particularly important because of its need to be felt on and on. Dopamine is connected to love, feelings or mostly anything that gives us a temporary satisfaction.
In essence dopamine is a hormone of “Instant Gratification” and the effects are not usually lasting, hence the need to create situations where we can feel it again. When people cannot get these situations they rely on habits like smoking, drinking, ecstatic drugs for their temporary shot of dopamine. The only issue is that they get addicted because of how temporary the “happy” feel is and then their problems face then again.
In our time, however, drinking and smoking and drug-addition are not the only sources people resort to for their dopamine shot. Research has shown that social media create dopamine levels as high as in people during their weddings. Social media has now taken a place as an escape mechanism from the world and gives a cheaper way to feel good about ourselves.
The problem is that, as opposed to smoking and drinking which cost some money, the relative ease to get on social media has caused addiction 3 times the levels of drug users. Have you not seen someone walking on the road and typing and being so unaware of dangers around?
For the millennial group, social media has become a means of instant gratification. It has substituted conveniently their power to think, solve problems and do great things. They instead take the easier route and “talk up” or brag about their abilities and themselves instead of actually proving themselves. They sell an idea of who they “seem” to be instead of who they really are.
A guy without a home would snap a picture in front of a home in high-brow Lekki and caption “hustle is pure”. A girl would enter a Gucci store, buy just a scarf but snap with all the bags and shoes and caption “balling”. Who really are we deceiving? The greatest deceit is deceiving one’s self.
Social media also tends also tend to sell the idea that we are all fine, that we don’t have no problems. Therefore people instead of seeking for help would be ashamed to source for help. What about the effects on our relationships with others? I have been to restaurants where a young boy and a young girl are on a date and they constantly are pressing their phones and replying messages. They could not even enjoy the time they are spending with each other.
We now value virtual friends and relationships than real life ones. You can no longer appreciate the sweet delicacy your wife puts in front of you until you snap and some strangers tell u it looks good even when they haven’t tasted it. You are with your boyfriend at a resort center and right there, you cannot even get home, you just had to get the picture posted on Instagram at that moment, at the end you ruin the trip for the poor guy because you are constantly checking your phone for the “likes” you are getting.
Who at the end of it all would really wish likes you? Your boyfriend or some stranger you don’t know? Learn to value moment’s arena and enjoy them immensely. The worst is when someone is in danger or probably involved in an accident. And because of your canal need for endorsement you start snapping instead of giving help.
Young ones can no longer critically think for themselves. Political issues to them are as simple as they see it on Facebook. Employ a young chap at work these days, and he’s responding to a customer with one eye and replying or checking pings with the other eye.
I honestly did not write this piece to argue that social media is bad. I believe that social media is arguably the best and cheapest self marketing and business tool ever created. What I am really saying is that we should not let it replace our lives and our moments.